When I was in Durham, North Carolina a few weeks ago, I went with a friend to her driver's evaluation. In 2022, my friend - let's call her Joni - was in an accident in which she lost the use of her legs and has had to work extremely hard to regain use of her hands and arms. At her appointment, Joni took a series of tests to evaluate whether she was ready for the road.
After the final test, the therapist gave her the green light and we climbed into an adapted vehicle where she had to pass yet another test: she had to learn to drive with one hand while using her other to control the accelerator and the break.
It was impossible for me to hold back my tears. And not just because I cry easily these days, although I do. It was impossible not to imagine myself in her shoes. Would I have the inner strength required to build up my physical strength again to this degree? What would I have done if I became quadriplegic overnight?
I visited other friends on this same trip. I traveled to Grand Rapids, Michigan, and to San Diego, at each stop I met someone who’s struggling – one friend is stuck in a job he hates; another is in the middle of a brutal divorce; still another has a child with a disability that tests her patience daily and will likely always live at home.
We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we handle it. We can reach out to friends for solace and encouragement. We can get meds when necessary to improve our moods or reduce our pain. We can get animals – because they’re awesome.
What I want to say is this: each day on this earth is a test. Some days we feel like we are failing, but if we pick ourselves up and try again, eventually we will succeed. At least, that’s what Joni's experience makes me believe.
As I drove back over the mountain from San Diego, making switchbacks down the last stretch of Highway 74 into the desert, Miley Cyrus’s lyrics spilled through the speakers like a voice from above:
“There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb.”
On the second day of my visit, Joni held a Survivorship Sale and gave away clothes and shoes and other items she won't use again. Her shoes fit me perfectly - a wide 8.5. I've worn a pair almost every day since. When I put them on, I think of her and try to channel some of that strength.