Watching clients navigate increasingly complicated scams, while helping my own family and parents prepare, has made me think more carefully about what advice is useful when a convincing call or message arrives.
Much of the familiar guidance focuses on spotting warning signs: a misspelled email, an unfamiliar number, or a request that seems out of character.
Those clues still matter. But a message can be well written, caller ID can display a familiar number, and a voice can sound like someone you know. The absence of an obvious warning sign does not mean a request is legitimate.
That is why it helps to have a routine for checking unexpected requests before money moves, even when nothing seems obviously wrong. Whether you are protecting yourself or helping a parent, agree on whom to call and how to ask for help.
Give yourself time to check
It is harder to question a request when someone says your money is at risk or a family member needs help. You may feel uncomfortable ending the conversation with someone who appears to be trying to help.
You do not have to decide whether that person is a scammer while you are still talking to them. When unexpected contact involves money, account access, or an urgent request, use two steps:
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End the contact. Hang up or stop responding. Do not click a link, share a security code, or give someone access to your computer while trying to sort things out.
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Contact the person or organization yourself. Use the number on your bank card, a statement, or a number you already know. If the request concerns a relative, call that person directly. Avoid numbers and links supplied in the suspicious message.
You can be polite and still end a conversation. You do not owe an unexpected caller an immediate decision.
One request deserves particular attention: being told to move money to “protect it.” Instructions to withdraw cash, buy gold, or transfer funds to a supposedly safe account are a known scam pattern.
When the voice sounds familiar
A caller who sounds like your child or grandchild can be especially convincing. Scammers can use AI to imitate a voice from a short audio recording.
Use the same routine: end the call and contact your relative on a number you already know. If you cannot reach them, try another family member or someone who can check on them before sending money. If you suspect immediate physical danger, contact emergency services directly.
A private family word or phrase can provide an additional check. Choose something that cannot be guessed from social media and agree on it privately. Even if the caller knows it, verify an unusual request independently before sending money.
Check unusual requests, even when the relationship feels familiar
Some scams unfold gradually. Someone becomes a friend over weeks or months. An investment appears to be doing well. An opportunity comes through a person you trust.
There may be no alarming phone call to hang up on.
For those situations, agree on another habit: before sending a large or unusual payment, talk it through with someone you trust who is outside the transaction. That might be a family member or your financial advisor.
Explain where the money is going, how the opportunity came about, and how you verified the recipient. An independent conversation can raise questions that are difficult to see when you have been involved from the beginning.
Make this a normal practice for everyone in the family, including yourself. It is easier to follow an agreement made ahead of time than to decide, under pressure, whether you need help.
Make it easier to tell someone
For an aging parent, an offer to help with financial security can raise an uncomfortable question: Does my family think I can no longer handle things myself?
That concern can affect what someone is willing to share.
Start by talking about precautions you want the whole family to take. Ask whether they would be willing to agree on whom to call before an unusual payment. Leave room for their questions and preferences.
It also helps to say explicitly: “If something happens, please call me. You don’t need to have it all figured out first. We’ll deal with the immediate problem together.”
Then follow through. If the first response is frustration or a lecture, asking for help the next time may be harder.
You cannot promise that a family will never need to discuss additional support. You can promise to listen, avoid blame, and include the person in decisions. Asking for help should not, by itself, be treated as evidence that someone cannot manage their affairs.
If money has already been sent, act promptly
Contact the bank or payment provider immediately. Explain what happened and ask whether the payment can be stopped or reversed. Recovery is not guaranteed, but there is no benefit in waiting until you understand every detail.
Save the messages, receipts, and transaction information. If you shared passwords or allowed access to a device, tell the institution that too.
For the family member receiving that call, a useful first response is: “I’m glad you told me. Let’s call the bank.”
There will be time to discuss what happened after the immediate steps are underway.
Put a few safeguards in place
Alongside these family agreements, review the protections available on your accounts. These are worth considering for a parent as well:
- Credit freezes. A freeze at each of the three major credit bureaus (Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion) helps prevent new credit accounts from being opened in your name. Freezes are free and do not affect your credit score. You may need to lift them when applying for credit. They do not protect money already in an existing account.
- Account alerts. Review available notifications for transfers, withdrawals, new payees, and account changes. Choose alerts you will notice and know how to check.
- Mobile-account protections. Ask your carrier about an account PIN and protections against unauthorized transfers of your phone number. Available features vary.
- A trusted contact. Ask your investment firm about naming someone it can contact in certain circumstances, including concerns about possible financial exploitation. This designation does not give that person authority to trade or make decisions in your account.
- An IRS Identity Protection PIN. This free six-digit number helps protect against someone filing a fraudulent federal tax return using your information. You must verify your identity to enroll, and you need the current PIN when filing. Ask your tax preparer whether it makes sense for you.
If you are helping a parent change security settings, work through the changes together and make sure they can still access and recover their accounts afterward.
A conversation worth having
You do not need to cover all of this in one sitting. Start by agreeing on whom to call and what kinds of requests should trigger a pause.
Our team is available to talk through concerns about an unusual financial request and discuss the safeguards available on your investment accounts. Please reach out before sending money if something does not feel right.
And at home, make sure the people you care about know they can call even after something has gone wrong. How you respond may shape whether they feel comfortable asking for help again.